


Side Effects

by skylerwrites38



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Be More Chill - Freeform, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Family Death (Mentioned), Fire, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Vent Fic, Other, Physical Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The writer is trans, This is also published on Wattpad, Trans Rich Goranski, Transphobia, deadnaming, trans main character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylerwrites38/pseuds/skylerwrites38
Summary: Rich Goranski was a loser. The type of loser who is invisible. If you asked any other student they would respond ‘Who?’ type of invisible.Brooke Lohst was a popular girl. The type of popular girl who was popular because she was nice to everyone. The type of girl everyone wants to be friends with.By an off chance Rich runs into Brooke, an automatic bond forming between the two. Bit everything changes when he takes a 600 dollar tictac, instantly making him popular. But not everything is as glorious as it may seem.
Relationships: Rich Goranski & Brooke Lohst, Rich Goranski & Jake Dillinger, Rich Goranski & Jeremy Heere, Rich Goranski/Brooke Lohst, Rich Goranski/Chloe Valentine, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Kudos: 6





	Side Effects

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [cold pizza/tie dye shirts/broken hearts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15376278) by [katieelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieelle/pseuds/katieelle). 



> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Disordered Eating, Transphobia, Deadnaming, Strong Language, Emotional Abuse, Minor Implied Physical Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts (if you squint)

**RICH GORANSKI**

My stomach growls and I quickly look at the ham sandwich I had dropped in the trash. No, I didn't need to eat. I don't deserve to eat.

Dad would be mad if he knew I wasted a perfectly good sandwich. Though Dad will probably find something else to be bad about anyways, so why does it matter?

As long as nobody is working in here, I always eat lunch here. It's an old empty office behind the main offices. If there happened to be someone working in here, I will eat in a stall in the boys bathroom but I definitely prefer this room. It's much quieter. Plus in the bathroom there is always the risk of having somebody bang on the stall door until you open it.

The door suddenly clicks open, making me jump back a little, and a girl walks in. Brooke Lohst. She's popular, and pretty. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't know someone was in here, I forgot my bag here earlier!" She says, sweetly. Too sweetly.. why is she being nice to me? Nobody is nice to me.

I pull my arms away from my chest, which I had pulled towards me when she came in. "It'th o-okay." I mutter grabbing my backpack quickly. I need to get out of here before she can make fun of me.

Brooke didn't laugh though, she smiled. "Why are you in here alone?" She asks. "O-Oh, I alwayth eat in h-here." I explain. Brooke's face tightens as she looks around. She's definitely going to laugh at me for my lisp.

I pull my backpack closer for safety, but she doesn't laugh, instead her face loosens again and a slight smile forms on her lips. Not a teasing smile, but a genuine smile.

"Well.. would you mind if I joined you tomorrow?" She asks. "O-Oh! If you w-want to you c-can." I mutter loosening the grip on my backpack.

"Great! See you tomorrow..." She starts but realizes she doesn't know my name. "Rich-" I start but I get caught on my words as I almost say my deadname out of habbit. "Rich, short for Richard?" She asks and I shake my head no. "Jutht Rich." I mutter mentally slapping myself for not trying to cover my lisp. "Hm Rich, I like that." She hums and then she smiles.

"See you tomorrow Rich!" She says before skipping away. "Thee you t-tomorrow.. Brooke." I mutter back but she is out of earshot already.

Why would she want to hang out with me? Someone must be putting her up to this, nobody wants to hang out with me. She probably won't come anyways.

•

Brooke didn't leave me hanging, but was already in the office when I managed to get there. I was puffing a little bit as my binder was starting to get a little bit uncomfortable.

"Hi Rich!!" She smiles as I open the door. I'm shocked that she actually came but I smile back anyways. "H-Hi Brooke!" I say back, sitting the chair she was further from.

I shift in my seat as she pulls out a lunchbag from her backpack. Unlike the lunches I bring, when I bring one, which are usually shoved in an old grocery store bag, hers was in a fancy lunch bag that was mostly likely part of some pyramid scheme.

"Do you not have a lunch?" Brooke hums taking out the contents of her lunch. "O-Oh! N-No! I forgot i-it!" I mutter. While the reason wasn't truthful, the fact that I didn't have any food wasn't a lie.

I had looked in the cupboards this morning, dad must've eaten the last of the good food last night because there wasn't much more than some expired milk and some stale bread. It's not like I would've eaten anything even if we did happen to have some food though.

A frown forms on Brooke's face and she quickly grabs something from her lunch bag. "Oh!! Here have these!!" She says passing a little baggy of baby carrots. "O-Oh no! It'th alright." I mutter, my voice quickly quieting as the sentence goes on. I was doing so good at avoiding 's' words, but of course I had to let my stupid lisp slip.

"I insist! I probably wouldn't of eaten them anyways! I definitely packed too much!" She smiles fully ignoring my lisp. I finally accept the little baggy and slowly start nibbling on the carrot. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad?

•

Hanging out with Brooke started happening more often after that first lunch. Usually on Monday and Wednesday's at lunch, when her bestfriend Chloe had some sort of club. After about a month she finally convinced me to eat in the cafeteria with her. It wasn't as noisy as I thought it would be originally, but it still overwhelmed me sometimes.

Brooke also started bringing me food. An extra sandwich or a slice of leftover pizza or an extra of whatever she had brought to eat. I always decline at first but she always convinces me to eat in the end.

Once a week we would go to her house after school and do homework together. Her mom would bring some sort of homemade snack up which I would barely touch. Brooke noticed this but she never said anything.

Her mom often offers to drive me home after we are done studying but I always politely decline. Would they think differently of me if they knew where I lived?

•

"Hi Rich!!" Brooke says sliding down into the desk beside me. We were just assigned to partner on a project. Usually teachers let me do group projects by myself but Mrs. Greene must've noticed that Brooke and I have been eating together sometimes and decided to partner us up.

"H-Hi Brooke." I mutter quieting my voice. She starts talking about something, most likely the project, but i'm not fully focused on what she's saying exactly. "So I was wondering if I could come over to yours to work on it instead." I manage to hear her say.

Brooke noticed the color drain from my face and quickly started speaking again. "It's okay if not, we could go to the library or something." She mutters, obviously flustered. "Uh thorry.. w-what day?" I ask rubbing my hands together. "I was thinking Friday, but if that doesn't work that's alright!" She replies her voice displaying excitement.

Dad almost always goes out to the bar after work on Friday's meaning he won't get home until early morning.

"T-That workth" I say back clicking my pen on the desk. "Great! I'm so exicted." She smiles and starts talking about the project some more, but my mind is sidetracked with a list of things I need to do before Brooke comes over.

•

"What are you doing Richelle." Dad mutters coming into the kitchen where I am washing dishes. I cringe at the use of my deadname but don't say anything, it will only get me hurt. in the end.

"W-Wathing the ditheth" I mutter out, not daring to turn around. "Enough of that stupid lisp you fucking whore." He replies, slamming something on the counter, most likely an empty bottle of vodka.

"Why the fuck are you cleaning anyways, you never clean." He asks when I don't reply. I finally slowly turn around to face him. "I-I have a friend c-coming over on Friday." I explain, avoiding eye contact.

"You have friends?" He laughs slamming his hand on the counter. "That's funny." He adds continuing to laugh. I shake my head and sigh. "D-Do you think I could borrow a ten to get us a pizza on Friday?" I ask when he finally calms down. He looks me dead in the eyes and glares. "Don't you have money from your mother?" He asks not releasing eye contact.

"I- uh- yea." I mutter looking down further. "Then theres that." He grumbles grabbing a new bottle of vodka. "You don't need food anyways, you fucking fatass." He adds as he walks out of the room.

I close my eyes and turn back to the dishes. He's not wrong, I don't need, or deserve to eat, but I can't just not have food for Brooke to eat when she's over. That's not fair.

•

Friday came sooner than I wanted. The walk to my house hadn't been as awkward as I expected it to be, and she didn't look disgusted by my house.

"Uh.. thith ith it." I mutter as we arrive. She smiles. "Ohh! It looks homey!" She says. Homey is the last word I would use to discribe it but I nod regardless.

As we walk into the living room my eyes fall onto two small plastic bottles of vodka sitting on the coffee table. Did Dad go to work drunk? I quickly grab them and take them into the kitchen but the concerned look in Brooke's eyes tell me she saw them.

"Uh, I- thorry." I mutter sitting on the couch. She sits beside me and smiles. "It's fine!" She says taking out her notes for the project.

"Wanna get started?" She asks and I nod. "Thoundth good." I say, for once not feeling self conscious about my lisp. I can tell Brooke notices this because her face brightens up in excitement, but she doesn't say anything.

•

The project was going good, we had completed most of it and Brooke had ordered a pizza, insisting she paid, regardless of the fact that I had money to pay for it myself.

"Richelle!" Someone calls and I freeze in my spot. Brooke's face sinks in confusion as I look at the clock on the wall, 8:30pm, Dad should just be heading to the bar, why is he home? D-Dad what are y-you doing home?" I mutter wrapping my arms around my chest. "I came to meet this friend of yours Richelle." He says in a 'duh' tone of voice. I shut my eyes for a moment.

This was not how today was supposed to go. Dad was supposed to be at the bar until way after Brooke left. I shouldn't of told him, why did I tell him.

By the time I open my eyes Dad is standing infront of me. "So are you going to introduce your friend to me Riche-" He starts but then he has a moment of realization and a grin forms on his face. "Oh I see, your little friend doesn't know that you are a girl, does she?" He smirks. I can't look at Brooke or my dad, I am completely frozen in my spot.

"Rich?" Brooke asks confused, but there isn't judgment to her voice. "That's right 'Rich' here is actually a fucking girl." Dad says, his voice full of mockery when he says Rich. He grabs the end of my shirt and lifts it up, exposing my binder and my protruding stomach. I quickly stand up pulling my shirt back down and get out of the house as quickly as I can.

"RICH! WAIT!" Brooke calls but I don't stop. I can't stop. Why would he do that?

•

I avoid Brooke at school for the next week. I spend lunch in the boys bathroom in the Science Wing. The bathroom that is almost never used by students. I haven't said a word in school since Friday and I only go home late when Dad will almost for sure be passed out.

On Thursday I decide to go back to the office, but regret my decision as soon as I open the door to see Brooke sitting there, another girl by her side. "You can go Jenna, thanks for sitting with me." Brooke says and the other girl disapears without saying a word.

I am frozen in my spot but I desperately want to dash. "Rich, please." She begs, most likely sensing my want to run away from the situation at hand.

I slowly move to sit in the seat furthest away from Brooke and push the door shut. I don't make eye contact with Brooke, I just stare at the floor infront of me.

"Rich.. you know I don't care if you are trans right?" She finally says. I don't say anything, or move. I just sit there, showing no emotion.

"Please Rich, say something." She begs. I finally look up at her, she's crying. "W-Why?" I finally mutter. "Because Rich i'm scared!" She cries wiping her eye with her sleeve. "Of w-what Brooke?" I snap. What could she possibly be scared of?

"I'm scared that you are going to kill yourself Rich!" She finally says looking me dead in the eyes. "Tho thath why you tharting hanging out with me? Becauthe you p-pity me?" I ask, my face dropping. I knew it, who could really want to hang out with Rich Goranski?

"No! Of course not Rich! How could you think that?" She states, her voice shaking. I don't reply, I just shrug. "Rich. Why do you think i've brought you food everytime we sit together?" She adds on.

"I d-don't fucking know!" I reply bringing my arms to my chest again. "Rich..." She says. "Just l-leave me alone B-Brooke! I'm f-fine alright!" I snap standing up and grabbing my bag.

"But you're not Rich." She says matter-of-factly. "H-How would y-you know? You d-don't know m-me!" I say back, instantly regretting it. "Rich..." She mutters again, but I don't respond, I just swing my bag onto my shoulder. "If you are perfectly fine Rich, then why don't you eat?" She finally says, her voice not matching the emotion on her face.

I freeze in my spot again. "Y-You don't k-know what you are t-talking about." I mutter before finally finding the courage to leave the office.

"Rich! Please!" Brooke calls but I don't turn back, I just keep walking.


End file.
